من يتحمل العبء العاطفي في محادثاتك النصية؟

qad yatabadal altarafan eddaan mtqarbaan min alrasayila, wamae dhalik yabdhul kulun minhuma qdraan mkhtlfaan tmamaan min aljuhd dakhil almuhadathati. faqad yatadhakar 'ahad altarafayn ajtmaeaan sebaan wayas'al ean natayijihi, wayafsah mjalaan liltaebir ean almashaeiri, wayahtafil bial'akhbar alsaarati, wayultif al'ajwa' almutawatirat, wayueid bina' altawasul baed alkhilafi; baynama qad yaktafi altaraf alakhar bialmusharakat alwadudat bimujarad tawjih aldaewat lah. kilahuma yatabadal alrasayil, lakina 'ahadahuma qad yatahamal qdraan 'akbar min aljuhd aleatifii alzaahir lilhifaz ealaa alealaqati.

aljuhd aleatifiu (Emotional labor), waleamal aleatifiu (Emotion work), waleib' aldhihnii (Mental load) mafahim mutarabitat walakinaha mukhtalifa

wusf mustalah "aljuhd aleatifii" fi al'asl lil'iisharat 'iilaa 'iidarat almashaeir watariqat 'iizhariha kajuz' min aleamal almajur. wghalbaan ma yustakhdim bahithu alealaqat mustalah "aleamal aleatifii" liwasf aljuhud alraamiat 'iilaa daem alrafah aleatifii lilshariki, mithl mulahazat shueurih bialdayqa, walaistimae bitarkiz, waltashjiea, waltam'anati, walmusaeadat fi altaeamul mae allahazat alsaebati. wnzraan li'ana aliastikhdam alshaayie lilmustalah yatasim bimadlul 'awsaea, fa'iina hadha aldalil yustakhdim eibara "aljuhd aleatifii" mae alhifaz ealaa altamyiz bayn almafahimi.

yued "aleib' aldhihnii" 'aw "aljuhd almaerifii" mfhwmaan akhar wathiq alsilati, wayashmulu: tawaque aliahtiajati, wa'iijad alkhiarati, watikhadh alqararati, wamutabaeat 'iinjaz almahami. qad tatadaman silsilat alrasayil tadhkirat wtkhtytaan, lakina hadha almaqal yurakiz ealaa aljanib aleatifii lilhifaz ealaa alealaqat 'athna' tabadul alrasayil; 'iidh tatatalab mahama mithl 'iidarat shuuwn almanzili, waltakhtit lirieayat al'atfali, waghayriha min al'aemal ghayr almaryiyati, tqyymaan 'ashmal yatajawaz mujarad murajaeat muhadathat "watsab".

kayf yabdu aljuhd aleatifiu lilhifaz ealaa alealaqat fi alrasayil alnasiya

• tashjie albuh bialmashaeiri: tarah 'asyilatan mutabaeatan haqiqiatan bdlaan min aintizar 'an yubadir altaraf alakhar bimusharakat kuli altafasil min tilqa' nafsihi.
• altadhakur walmutabaeatu: alaistifsar ean sir muqabalatin, 'aw mushkilat eayiliatin, 'aw maweid tabiy, 'aw yawm eusibi.
• alaistijabat lilmashaeiri: al'iiqrar bialmashaeir qabl taqdim alnasihati, 'aw taghyir almawduea, 'aw munaqashat aljawanib aleamaliati.
• daem allahazat al'iijabiati: 'iibda' alaihtimam bial'akhbar alsaarat walaihtifa' biha, watashjie alshakhs ealaa alhadith eanha bimazid min altafsili.
• alhifaz ealaa aldif'i: altaebir ean altaqdir walmawadat waruh aldueabat waltumaninati, 'aw taqdim mubadarat basitat liltawasuli.
• 'iislah altawatur fi alealaqati: tasmiat mashaeir al'adhaa, walaietidhar biwuduh watahdidu, waltahaquq mimaa 'iidha kan al'iislah qad najha, wataghyir alsuluk lahqaan.
• 'iijra' hiwar hawl alealaqati: tarh almakhawif almutakarirati, walsuwal eamaa yahtajuh kulu tarafin, wamutabaeat alatifaqiaat almubramati.

la yanbaghi 'iisnad 'ayin min hadhih al'iijra'at tlqayyaan 'iilaa jins mueayn 'aw sharik muhadadin. tushir al'abhath 'iilaa 'ana "aleamal aleatifi" qad yartabit bialjins (dhikar/anthaa), lakina alnatayij taetamid ealaa siaq alealaqat walthaqafat waleayinat watariqat taerif hadha aleimla. walsuwal alshakhsii almufid huna hu sual eamaliun wamuhadadun: ma hi 'ashkal alrieayat alati yuqadimuha kulu tarafin? wama hi al'ashkal alati tamuru dun 'an yulahizaha 'ahada? wahal altartib alhaliu munasib waeamaliun liltarafayni?

mithal aftiradi: nashat mutamathilin, lakina juhud alhifaz ealaa alealaqat ghayr mutakafiatin.

tkhyl sjlaan limuhadathat "watsab" (WhatsApp) yamtadu lisitat 'ashhur bayn alshakhs ('a) walshakhs (ba). najid 'ana mueadalat bad' almuhadathat mutaqaribat nsbyaan (56% muqabil 44%). kama 'ana halat 'iirsal rasayil mutatalia (dun rad) muazaeat binisbat 55% muqabal 45%, wamusharakat alwasayit mutasawiatan tqrybaan binisbat 51% muqabil 49%. bialnazar 'iilaa alnashat wahdahu, qad tabdu almuhadathat mutabadalatan wamutakafiatan. lakina bitaqat almuqaranat tudif buedaan akhara: yatrah alshakhs ('a) 412 swalaan muqaranatan bi 188 swalaan lilshakhs (ba), wayursil 684 'iisharatan 'iijabiatan (sawa' bikalimat 'aw rumuz taebiriatin) muqaranatan bi 356, wayustakhdim eibarat aliaetidhar 16 maratan muqaranatan bi 5 marat.

kayfiat qira'a "nazarat eamatin" (Overview) dun astikhlas astintajat mubalagh fiha.

1. abda bimuashir "tawazun almuhadathati" (Conversation balance), thuma anzur 'iilaa altafasil almawjudat 'asfalahi.

yumkin limuashirat mithl bad' almuhadathati, wa'iirsal rasayil mutataliatin, wamusharakat alwasayit 'an tuadih ma 'iidha kan kila altarafayn yusahiman fi aistimrar altawasuli. wafi hadha almithali, najid 'ana hadhih almuashirat mutaqaribat wamutasawiat tqrybaan. hadha 'amr muhima: falshakhs "b" lays ghaybaan, walshakhs "'a" la yatahamal bimufradih eib' kuli tabadul lilmuhadathati; 'iidh yumkin 'an yakun aljuhd aleatifiu almabdhul ghayr mutakafi hataa wa'iin kan hajm tabadul alrasayil mtwaznaan. wahadha altamyiz yadae almaqal fi siaq mukhtalif ean alsuwal al'absat almutaealiq biman yatawalaa 'iidarat dafat almuhadathati.

2. astikhdam al'asyilat almatruhat kamadkhal lifahm alsiyaqi.

qad yushir altafawut alkabir fi eadad al'asyilat 'iilaa 'ana 'ahad altarafayn yubadir 'akthar bitarh al'asyilat walmutabaeati. lakina hadha almuashir la yuadih tabieat al'asyilati: hal tanumu ean ahtimamu, 'am tataealaq bi'umur lujistiatin, 'am hi 'asyilat mutakarirat 'aw tatafuliat 'aw balaghiatun? rajie eayinatan min almuhadathati: hal yatadhakar alshakhs ma dhukr sabqaan, wahal yushajie altaraf alakhar ealaa al'iishab fi alhaditha, wahal yatafaeal mae al'iijabati? famutabaeat wahidatan tatasim bialaihtimam qad tahmil qimatan eatifiatan tafuq qimat khamsat 'asyilat sarieatin.

3. taeamal mae muashir "nashr al'iijabiati" ka'adat astidlaliat shafaafa

tahsab hadhih albitaqat eddaan mhddaan min alkalimat almutafayilat walrumuz altaebiria (al'iimuji) aldaalat ealaa mizaj 'iijabi. 'iinah mujarad edd 'uwli, walays thlylaan lilmashaeir 'aw mqyasaan limadaa allataf; 'iidh yumkin 'an tuathir eawamil mithl alsukhriati, wal'uslub althaqafii, walnakat alkhasati, wakhalt allughati, waikhtilaf hajm alrasayil ealaa diqat hadha almuashiri. wyued alrasm albayaniu altaarikhiu mfydaan jdaan limulahazat alaistimrariati; fafi almithal almadhkuri, yuzhir airtifae eadad hadhih alkalimat ladaa "alshakhs 'a" fi kuli shahra, bdlaan min 'an yakun natjaan ean 'usbue wahid aitasim biaihtifaliat aistithnayiyatin.

4. kalimat alaietidhar la tueadil bialdarurat 'iislah alealaqa

yumkin libitaqa "almuqaranati" rasd kalimat mithl "asf" 'aw "'aetidhir". waqad yaekis artifae aleadad shewraan bialmaswuwliati, 'aw tkraraan lilsiraeati, 'aw qlqaan, 'aw mujarad tahdhib muetadin, 'aw mylaan lilmusaraeat fi tahamul alluwm. lidha, aqra alrasayil almuhitat bikuli halat rasada; faeamaliat al'iislah alhaqiqiat lilealaqat tatadaman eadtan 'idrakaan lil'athar almutaratib ealaa almawqif, wthmlaan lilmaswuwliati, wtghyyraan fi alsuluk allaahiqi, wahi jawanib la yumkin aistintajuha bimujarad ed alkalimati.

limadha la yued tasawi al'aedad hu alhadaf almanshuda?

nadraan ma yaeni altabadul alsihiyu fi alealaqat muqabalatan kuli sual 'aw eibarat tam'anat 'aw aietidhar bimithliha tmamaan; faqad yahtaj alshakhs aladhi yamuru bi'azmat 'iilaa mazid min aldaem lifatrat min alzaman. waqad tatawazae al'adwar bayn alsharikin: hayth yuqadim 'ahaduhuma altam'anat allafziat baynama yatawalaa alakhar almahama aleamaliat 'aw yuqadim rieayatan mubashiratan wahuduriatan. wtuqas aleadalat bishakl 'afdal eind alnazar 'iilaa alealaqat bimurur alwaqt waeabr mukhtalif qanawat altawasuli; falmushkilat ghalbaan la takmun fi tafawut al'arqami, bal fi namat mustamirin yunzr fih 'iilaa aihtiajat 'ahad altarafayn wadhakiratih wajuhudih fi altaeafi ka'umur musllam baha.

tarbit al'abhath alqayimat ealaa tadwin alyawmiaat bayn "aljuhd aleatifi" ('aw aleamal aleatifi) wajawanib jawdat alealaqati, kama tasif dirasat 'ukhraa altabieat alnafsiat almuhtamalat ealaa alshakhs aladhi yabdhul hadha aljuhdi, la siama fi zili zuruf saebatin. wtushyr hadhih alnatayij 'iilaa airtibatat eamat dimn eayinat muhadadatin, wala tumathil qaeidatan thabitatan lilhukm ealaa ealaqat zawjiat bieayniha. kama tashadad al'abhath hawl "alaistijabati" ealaa 'ahamiyat alshueur bialfahm waltaqdir walaihtimamu; wahi simat la yumkin rasduha mbashrtan eabr maqayis taetamid ealaa alkalimat almiftahiat 'aw mueadalat altakrari.

eamaliat taqyim shamilat min 'arbaeat 'ajza' takhudh alsiyaq almafqud bieayn aliaetibar

1. hadad almahami. dae qayimat biman yulahiz eadtan ealamat aldayqa, waman yatrah 'asyilatan lilmutabaeati, waman yahtafi bial'akhbar alsaarati, waman yubadir bialaitminan ealaa hal alealaqati, waman yaemal ealaa 'iislah altawaturati, waman yatadhakar aleawdat limunaqashat al'ahdath almuhimati.
2. 'adif jamie qanawat altawasuli. shamil dhalik almukalamat alhatifiata, walmuhadathat almubashirat wjhaan liwajhi, walrasayil alsawtiati, walmusaeadat aleamaliati, wa'aemal alrieayati, waltakhtiti, waldaem almuqadam min al'asdiqa' 'aw aleayilati.
3. qarin bayn alqudrat waliaikhtiari. faeadam altawazun almuaqat -alnaajim ean almarad 'aw alhuzn 'aw daght almawaeid alnihayiyat 'aw mahami alrieayati- yakhtalif tmamaan ean taklif dayim waghayr muelan bi'adwar muhadadatin.
4. as'al ean al'athra. hal yatruk taqsim al'adwar alhalii ayaan min altarafayn yasheur bialdaemi, 'am bialtajahulu, 'am bialiastia'i, 'am bial'iirhaqi, 'am bialmuraqabati, 'am bialeajz ean altaebir ean ahtiajatih alkhasati?

kayfiat munaqashat hadha alnamat dun tahwil altahlil 'iilaa hukm nihayiyin

abda bitarh mithal watawdih hajat mueayanatin: "'ulahiz 'anani eadtan ma 'as'al ean sayr al'umur wa'ueid fath bab alniqash baed almawaqif alsaebati. 'arghab fi 'an tubadir 'ant aydaan bialsuwal ean hali ahyanaan dun aintizar 'an 'atlub dhalika". tajanub eard albayanat waka'anaha lawhat natayij liqias alhab; bal ais'al ean 'ashkal aldaem alati tabdu mufidatan, waean alqudrat almutahat ladaa kuli taraf halyaan, waean almahami almutaealiqat bialhifaz ealaa alealaqat alati yumkin taqasumuha bishakl 'akthar weyaan wtemdaan.

aikhtar tajribatan eamaliat wahidat yumkin mulahizatuha litatbiqiha khilal al'asabie alqalilat almuqbilati. yumkinuk aietimad nizam lilmutabaeat al'usbueiat bialtanawubi, 'aw altalab min kuli taraf 'iieadat tanawul hdth dhakarah altaraf alakhar, 'aw alaitifaq ealaa 'ana man yuaqif nqashaan sebaan hu man yuhadid maweid aistinafihi. baed dhalika, qym ma 'iidha kan hadha alsuluk aljadid yabeath ealaa alshueur bialdaemi; faltaghyir alqayim ealaa altawafuq yamnahuk ruyatan 'aemaq wa'akthar dalalatan mimaa yamnahuh alsaey alqasri litahqiq tawazun binisbat 50/50 fi kuli muashirin.

la yumkin lilmuhadathat 'an tuhsi kula fiel min 'afeal alrieayat walaihtimami, lakinaha yumkin 'an tajeal baed almahami almutakarirat -alati yashul 'iighfalha- wadihatan bima yakfi liatamakan altarafan min tasmiatiha wataqdiriha watahdid kayfiat taqasumiha.